Emotions and tears.

So today’s post is not about being bisexual or how much the world sucks. It’s about being a kid and how much parents screw up their kids without realising it. I’m currently listening to Imagine Dragons “It’s Time.” I really suggest listening to it. Anyway… On with the show.

I  don’t cry a lot. I’m not saying I’m some badass Natasha Romanoff that can turn her emotions off but i don’t cry a lot. I don’t cry at films, or when I’ve heard some celebrity has died or when i listen to music. When I do cry I hate it. I hate when I cry. It doesn’t matter if I’m crying happy tears or sad tears, they turn to angry tears because I hate when I cry. And today was another day when I cried. My ever so loving family decided to laugh at me for every little thing I do. As you can guess it wasn’t much fun, having people that are meant to love yu laugh at you hurts. So when my dad started laughing at the fact i was crying i started getting more emotional. I hated being seen crying by my family. That’s as much as I ca explain it. I know it might not make sense, but that’s what happens. Anyway, i realised that as a kid whenever I cried my family would either laugh at me to my face or get all defensive, saying how I shouldn’t be crying at my age and that it was stupid and well, you get the idea. But it clicked. Why I hate crying. My parents told me I shouldn’t be crying my whole life. They laughed at me. At the time, i didn’t notice it but now? I see how much their words stuck. I taught myself subconsciously that tears were bad. I made myself think that crying was a bad thing, that being emotional was bad. My parents screwed me up in easier terms.

So to all parents out there. Shut up. You have no idea how much your words affect us. One sentence can liteerally change us. Telling us that tears are bad can screw them up. It probably seems like you’re doing the right thing. You’re just teaching your kid a lesson right? Wrong! You are turning their minds crazy. It doesn’t always do something as bad as this but be careful. You probably mean well but sometimes meaning well doesn’t mean you’re helping.

So after yet another cheerful day I have two things to say to you guys.

1) Message me. If you have any problems or you want to talk, ask questions or anything just reply to this.

2) Emotions are good. I think I’m already screwed up beyond repair to be honest with you but crying is good, laughing is brilliant and being angry can help things sometimes.

So have a good day and as always, look for the rainbow.

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Labels and coming out…

We label everything. It’s something we do as human beings. We can’t help it. We put people into categories and until we know better, we judge them. Sometimes we label ourselves. For some people it’s a comfort. Being in a box, fitting in somewhere, feeling like you belong. For other people labels are constricting a waste of time and energy. And some people they think labels are ridiculous and not needed. But let me tell you something. If you want to have a label have one, if you don’t that’s fine. Always remember it is up to you.

The reason for this post is that my friend earlier today released a video on Facebook telling everyone that they were gender fluid (for those who don’t know what that is click here) (I will be making a post soon explaining all gender and sexual orientations.) The reason this is amazing is a few years ago, two i think, they came out as bisexual. They later discovered that they were pansexual and that is fine. They found out about new things and realised that they were pansexual. Changing your label once you have one is fine. You are always growing and changing which means what you like can change too. I mentioned at dinner and my mother (who you all know by now is very understanding) asked what the point of labels is. Then proceed to ask why coming out was necessary.

First of all labels. Labels are so you can identify as someone or something and other people can know what you like and who you are. Their only point is to help. They can help people feel accepted or welcome into a group of people. They can help certain types of people find other people who are like them. There are so many reasons for labels but they only matter if the person with the label is comfortable with their label.

Secondly, coming out. Now for me this has such an obvious answer that i don’t think i should even explain it but i know that sometimes i jump to conclusions so for anyone else wondering here you go. People in this day and age still usually (emphasis on the usually) assume that anyone they meet is a homosexual cis person. There usually isn’t even a question. So coming out matters. It lets people friends and family know that they are not straight and or cis. It lets people solve problems they have had (which is usually if a person comes out as transgender) and it helps peoples confidence if they can choose when people know who they are.

So there you go. Labels and coming out briefly explained. Now these things can mean very different things for everyone so i am simply going off what i think as well as some friends. So have a happy day and watch Joey Graceffas new video it is so good (and LGBT friendly) so go watch it.

What are you still doing here GO!!!!

A friend

So I recently got a new phone, where I can get apps. I got whisper and made one. I admitted that I was scared to come out to my family. I was out to some of my friends and I wasn’t sure if I was being overly paranoid. So when this guy commented me I was nervous. He asked if I wanted to talk and I said yeah. Why the hell not. We talked, we’ve been talking. Well I’ve been talking  he’s been asking questions and listening. And you know what? It has helped a lot. I am no where near coming out to my family but I think I’m ml ore comfortable in my own skin. I might even start coming out to my class mates, but one step at a time right?

My point today is talk to someone. I did it anonymously but it still helps. It really does. So I know this isn’t a long piece but listen to what I’m saying. People do care. They want to help. Let them.

I’ll be doing another update later this week. It’s about an article I read in a newspaper about boys and skirts. Guess you’ll have to wait to find out.  Until next time. Be as proud and as loud as a rainbow!

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Supportivity is important (is that a word?)

So yet again my darling mother has given me a more motive than ever to write this blog. I have no idea how we got onto the topic but we started talking about Caitlin Moran (sorry if i spelt your name wrong) and how she entered every writers competitions she could, which is why she was writing professionally at 16. She then went on to say how because i am currently (at 15) laid back and not to fussed about deadline i can’t love writing enough. I don’t have the passion to do it seriously. First of all mom, before you lecture me about passion why don’t you look at your own life and how much you love your job? Back on track then. Her words hurt, she doesn’t think i want to write enough. Simply because i’m not fussed about deadlines. The reason for me being so chillax? I know that next year when my coursework and exams start i will constantly have deadlines for he rest of my life so i want to take my current freedom for granted. How she can decide how much i love writing is not up to her, nothing in my lief is up to her. The point is that i am trying, i’m entering some competitions at the moment, the ones i can handle, and i’m trying. Which at this stage is enough for me.

Kids get hurt by words. The saying ‘sticks and stones may break your bones but words can’t hurt you?’ Rubbish. Bruises heal. Cuts scar over and fade over time. Saying someone is a “faggot”, “weak”, “pathetic”. They can stay with someone for he rest of their lives. Saying i will never love writing enough to succeed in it hurts, it makes me doubt myself. Having your kid doubt them self because of you is i sign thst you’re not that good of a parent. If my mom had said, well if you tried harder now it might be easier later, or anything other than “you won’t succeeded.” i would have listened. But she didn’t and now i don’t want to hear anything she has to say.

Telling your child that you don’t support them can break them. Saying you won’t be there if things get tough can and will change how they see you. Being a parent means supporting them in what they want. Whether it’s their job, their house, who they love or who they are parents should be there. And if you are a kid and your parent has made you doubt yourself then stuff them. You are amazing. You can do anything you set your mind to, sometimes it takes time and sometimes it doesn’t work out, but don’t give up. Especially on who you are.

So todays lesson is that not only is every single one of you awesome as a rainbow but words matter. For anyone going through a rough time at the moment remember this :

rainbows]#

Hell School

Being a teenager sucks. And I’m not talking about the fact that we have to get up at six o’clock everyday if we even want to have breakfast before we leave. I’m talking about the constant pressure we are under from the second we enter the nightmare that is high school.

For the adults, yes i know you’ve been there, you’ve done that. But not in the same way as us. When you went to school yeah sure you had some homework and yes you got bullied but it isn’t the same. When we come home we can’t run from our problems like you could. We can’t leave the bullies at school as you try to tell us. They follow us. Constantly. They are in our pockets from the second we wake up and there isn’t anything we can so. But bullying isn’t even the worst of our problems. Not by a long shot.

GCSE’s or whatever other countries equivalents are. The year we can no longer slack. Where we are forced to take subjects by our parents that we never wanted to do and forced by our school to drop options so we can take a subject that will make them look better. In England we can in my school at least, choose four subjects to do for two years. However sometimes the schools force the kids to take a subject they have no interest in or that they know they won’t do well in. Then after losing one option our parents will whisper in our ears what we should take, if we want to do well of course. Choosing the subjects themselves are hell. Then you enter year ten, when you start learning those subjects. The second you sit down in your first lesson you are told what you are worth to the school. You will be given a grade that you have to achieve by the end of the first year, when you don’t even know half of the topics. You’ll have teachers yelling at you if you ‘aren’t working hard enough’ or if you aren’t revising constantly for a surprise test they won’t tell you about. Yet you still need to get an A* in all of them. Then when you get home instead of being able to rest for an hour or two after a six hour long day of non stop working, you can’t rest you will have to start on the ten hour pile of homework that has been set in one week for the following Monday. Yet you still need to have a social life by meeting up with your friends. And you need to have three square meals a day and on top of that you need to revise because homework and revision are not the same thing.

So parents. Tell me again how you know exactly what we are going through and how when you were doing it the subjects were actually much much harder. Tell us we don’t know what hard work is even though we have to spend our whole weekend doing homework and revision just so we can get a piece of paper that might get us into a college that might get us into a decent university. So please tell us again how we are lazy and selfish when we don’t stop working until our heads hit the pillow. So i am so sorry when i ignore your rants about i don’t work hard but i’ve heard it one too many times.

This is no way intended at all parents some of you are probably pretty good parents. I don’t have that experience and sorry to any teachers i insulted. Same goes for you, i only write what i know. So sorry for this not being LGBT but i figured it was a pretty important issue. Till next time.

Mistakes

We all make mistakes right? And in your teen years it’s meant to be ok to screw some things up because hey, we’re teenagers! We don’t know everything. And until last year that was the case…However if you are a Feminist or a supporter of LGBT. You MUST know EVERYTHING! NO mistakes are allowed because we must know everything!!!!!!!!

Now before i say anything to avoid anyone saying i am evil. I believe everyone is allowed to believe what they want. If you are Christian awesome! Buddhist? You rule!  A religion you believe in? Do what you want. I myself do not believe in God (not that he doesn’t exist) i personally believe in some science though most of the time i prefer fiction to any science. Anyway… Carry on, sorry about that i just don’t want anybody to think i am against anything! Other than people against equality without a valid reason.

The other day me and my family were about to go on a walk around some hills (which was hell) and a van pulled up a few houses down. It was a Christian groups van, you know the ones i mean? The people that go around your houses and tell you about why being a Christian is good, which it is if you believe in that, but it is slightly annoying when they come knocking. But i get annoyed if anybody knocks on the door. Including my friends. So i started a sentence “It’s weird. The Christians go around knocking….” Before i could finish my sentence my darling mother jumps down my throat and say

“Not all Christians. You shouldn’t judge” And she goes on to say how i shouldn’t put people into groups. To be honest i was close to tears. She was having a go at me for making a mistake. And i admit i should have specified and said ‘the Christians that’ or ‘some Christians’ but i made a mistake. And my mother had a go at me because of it.

I make mistakes. Sometimes i look at people and instantly think ‘slut’ i then yell at myself and tell myself that they can wear anything they want. The thing is i am new to being a feminist. I haven’t got it all sorted in my head yet and sometimes i will make mistakes and forget words or slip back into my old mind set of misogyny. Which is fine. I can make mistakes. We all can. Making mistakes is fine. Correcting a mistake is fine. Yelling at somebody because they make a mistake is not. Give people a chance. Especially younger or new to the community people. The fact that you are even trying is amazing. So todays lesson?

Mistakes are fine

Correcting is fine

Yelling because of a mistake is not

Obsessed

Me and my parents? We don’t have the best relationship ever. But not a lot of teenagers have a good relationship with their family, of course the reasons for the distance can vary. It can be “I’m a hormonal teenager! Stuff YOU!” or “I’m the parent and i don’t care about your interests!”  For me? It’s the later. Both are valid reasons and parents typically aren’t the best at listening to their kids when they hit puberty.

I am an obsessive person. When i find something i care about i give it my heart and soul. It’s everything for a while then it becomes part of me. Last year it was Supernatural (If you haven’t seen it watch it!) and soon after i had found it my mom got tired of the references and my talks about it. Late in 2014 it was Tumblr in general. I loved it (and i obviously still do.) It opened a gateway to a new world full of things i didn’t understand and words i had never even heard of before. One of them was LGBT. I found out that there was more to love than Gay and straight. I delved deeper into the all consuming world of tumblr and i found more words i wanted to learn about. Asexual. Aromantic. Pansexual (which i figured was weird at first because how can a pan be sexy?) an as time went on i learnt that pansexual wasn’t an attraction to sauce pans and asexual wasn’t ‘weird’ it was just how somebody was born. Then in the months before Christmas i found a new word. Bisexual. I had heard it before and i knew that the B in LGBT was Bisexual but I’d not yet learned what it meant to be bisexual. So articles on tumblr, BuzzFeed videos and many questions later i found out what it was and i started to question myself.  I looked at girls like i looked at boys. I sometimes found myself wondering what it would be like to date some of my friends and other girls in my year. I thought it was a part of puberty. I was horny. But after finding that word my life changed. It wasn’t like i just decided i wanted to be Bisexual. I simply put my actions and feelings to a name. It’s like you grow up seeing these colours then when you are taught that that colour is called red you know. I’m not the best at this i know. But bare with me.

The thing is after being obsessed with so many things and having my mom and dad shut me down so many times i didn’t want to share with them this new part of me. The fact i was terrified they would hate me only amplified that fear and unwillingness to share. So a tip to any parent. Don’t shut your kid down you have no idea what they won’t share with you. I’m hiding one part of who i am but other kids? They might be hiding everything from them. So listen to your kids, it might seem stupid and pointless to you but to them it is important so take the time to listen you never know, you might learn something. lgbt